how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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