Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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