so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
