my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You've changed since you got that strap on
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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