I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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