I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
