Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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