What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
