im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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