Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
