I just cut my nipple shaving
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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