Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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