I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
