Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
