ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
