69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
