If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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