I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
