T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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