Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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