I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PANTIES FOUND
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