She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
