Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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