oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
