glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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