That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
