what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
