Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
