who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
