This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
