I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
