My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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