What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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