One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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