you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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