He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
