trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
