Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
