Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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