I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
