I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
