Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
