drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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