Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
