let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
