david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
