We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
