im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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