We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
