Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
