I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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