Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
