is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
