I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
