hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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