I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
