I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
